Five Healthy Relationships Every Pastor Needs

People problems are the chief source of frustration for pastors. Pastors need five healthy relationships in their lives to experience gospel fruit over an extended time. All pastors face some relational challenges along the way. Minor challenges can become overwhelming when any one of these relationships is unhealthy. Relational strain is inevitable and can lead to mental and emotional fatigue. Having healthy relationships in these areas, a pastor can face them with vigorous faith in the gospel.

1. Healthy Relationship with God
2. Healthy Relationship with Family
3. Healthy Relationship with Church Board
4. Healthy Relationship with Congregation
5. Healthy Relationship with Friends

Below is a summary and how coaching can help these relationships.

1. Healthy Relationship with God.

A pastor needs an intimate, growing, vibrant relationship with God. We cannot assume this. I know pastors who have gone years without praying or reading their Bible aside from preparing for a sermon. Consequently, they have a secret sin--and no one knows.

Gospel coaching explores this possibility and, without shame, finds a new pattern of life and ministry that enlivens their spiritual growth.

2. Healthy Relationship with Family.

A pastor's family has unique challenges from the average church member's family. Forty percent believe that pastoring is difficult for thgeir family.  Churches often pay their pastors a lower salary and this creates financial and marital strain and can cause resentment and withdrawal from serving.

Gospel Coaching will address how to make changes so that a pastor's family is thriving as much as possible. 

3. Healthy Relationship with the Church Board (Elders, Deacons, Session, Vestry).

For a pastor, this is a critical relationship that rarely operates in a healthy fashion. As a result of sin, the first relationship, Adam and Eve, had a power struggle, a struggle to dominate the other. It's not healthy in a marriage and equally unhealthy in a pastor-board relationship. Typically this group sets the pastor's salary while 57% of pastors cannot pay their bills and adequately take care for their family (Francis A. Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership Development survey). 

Pastors need someone external to their church and denomination to provide perspective and gain insight for alternate ways to operate as a gospel body of overseers.

4. Healthy Relationship with the Congregation. 

Pastors are burning out and 42% have considered leaving the ministry in the last 12 months, up 13% from last year. One cause is a wrong relationship with the congregation. Scripture instructs pastors to pay careful attention to their personal lives while paying careful attention to the souls of the congregation. The congregation can demand too much from her pastor--like a newborn child requiring constant attention or a stockholder demanding record returns.

Coaching can help a pastor to lead the church like a faithful family, rather than a frantic business.

5. Healthy Relationship with Friends.

Pastors need friends. Friendships are complicated in the ministry. Some congregants will likely become friends, but often not at a deep level. Pastors feel more lonely and isolated than the average person. Research reveals that 58% of pastors do not have any good friends. Pastors with a higher burnout risk have lower satisfaction with friendships. 

Coaching can help find ways to enter into meaningful relationships. Gospel friendships are necessary for preventing and healing emotional wounds. 

Contact us today

Most pastors try to solve these challenges on their own, but that's not necessary. Church Planting Partners exists to walk with pastors into healthy relationships. We are here for you if you desire someone to talk through these crucial relationships.